awakening

Today I am on this earth to learn life lessons.  For instance if I am frustrated there must be a source of the frustration within me and if that is so, there has to be a lesson to be learned from this situation.  Something I can grasp and understand then use to work down future karmic debt.  If I don't want to learn the lesson and wander around in my stubborness and ignorance then once again my self will is in charge and I am blocked from learning the lessons of the sunlight of the spirit.  I tend to spend alot of time in this self pity state, I don't feel like I have the right to make anyone elses decisions for them and in that same respect I don't feel like I can stand up and say-YOU idiot don't you see what you are doing to yourself again?  Cause I won't listen to that advice and probably nor will anyone else. 

So I picture a blanket of calmness like when I lie in bed telling my children stories or watching them fall asleep perhaps if I visualize serenity I will tell the universe send me down some serenity quick!  Perhaps sometimes I have to pull this blanket over my head and ignore the rest of the world caught up in the warmth of the blanket and the protection it offers me but eventually I will feel claustrophobic and need to experience and feel life again.  How then do I  channel this negative energy into something else without feeling my loss of sense of superiority?  I guess I quit operating in the negative lower planes and lift up to experience the higher more esoteric planes.  To do that I have to pull my feet out of the cement of self will that they are charged with and want to float up experiencing the consequences both good and bad of my actions.   Not so impressed since I just want to stamp my feet like a two year old until I get my way....